I miss her so much tonight. I can't sleep, I just lay here thinking about mom, about how hard she fought, about combing her hair into a braid, sitting by her bed, talking to her, sharing with her about the children, the fun little things they do, seeing her smile, hearing her say I love you, the hugs she would make you come back in for if you forgot,Oh God I miss her so..I don't understand why things happen the way they do, why she wasn't spared of this disease..how when I felt like I could handle this and I was ok, I am now a puddle of tears and mess and empty sad feelings..Its been so much harder to smile lately, and not think, thats how I deal, I just don't think about things, I don't allow myself to go to that place, but its getting harder to hold that in.I don't know how to explain to anyone this awful empty miserable feelings I have. I have been so crabby lately, had no patience with the kids, with Anthony, snapping at them left and right. I feel so on edge with them, like my patience has been maxed out, and there is absolutely nothing left...Its been almost 2 months now, its still hard for me to believe she is gone. to talk to her one more time, to call her up and hear her voice, oh , I miss her voice..God bring me peace, and comfort, please guide me thru this...it seems so impossible right now..