The days keep passing, each one, a day further away from the last time I saw mom, spoke with her, held her hand, whispered " I love you". It still seems like yesterday in some ways, and in others, a eternity has passed since we were together.  A friend asked me the other day what I spoke of with her the last time we talked.

June 1, 2010 (Anthony and I's 9th anniversary) was the one of the worst days of my life. Those words uttered in that crowded hospital room changed my life forever. After 2 chemo treatments, the aggressive cancer growing in my moms abdomen had not been affected, at least not in the ways planned, it had instead doubled in size and was now as big as, if not bigger than the 7lb tumor that had already been removed from her kidney. There was nothing more that could be done, just waiting...waiting for the life to be drained out of her. I remember sitting behind mom, after we had wheeled her thru the hall, waiting outside the room for blood to be drawn, to see if a transfusion was necessary, rubbing her back, trying to hold back my tears, not wanting to break down in front of her and upset her..she sat there so calmy, just being handed a death sentence from the doctor, it was just a matter of time..We left in shock, my sisters and I sat in Woodgrill, unable to choke down much of anything, it all sinking in, she would be gone soon.

I spent as much time as  I could with her, leaving my children with friends and family, coming home for the night, and then driving the hour and a half back to be with her the next day. Mom's sisters came and stayed with her, helping her with medicines and showers, and us kids would come during the days, sitting with her, reading to her, watching movies with her, trying to get her to eat. She ate so little, the medicine making it hard for her to keep much down, or at least feel like she could.

She spoke very little of death, each day praying for strength, for her family, for her sisters, each day believing she would be healed. Praying for healing. We all did.

I do not know why God took mom home July 24, 2010. I do not understand why she had to suffer thru all she did. I know I probably never will understand. Why does anything happen  the way it does?


The last day I visited with mom was a Friday. Friday the 22nd of July. The last day we spoke..

Goals

Some of my goals this year, to love harder, to laugh longer, to let myself be spontaneous and fun with the kids, to not worry about getting hurt, but to put myself out there more, to always be myself, and to love myself, to not take things so personally, to give grace to others, to never assume, to go on more dates, to lean on God, to read my Bible more, and to seek Him continuously, to put others before myself, to give more hugs, to embrace life, seeking my purpose here on this earth, to not take on myself the things others think I should, but instead only on what God gives me, be a better listener, teach my kids compassion and sensitivity to others, and how to love themselves for the special beings God created them to be, try more recipes, to always value the time I spend with loved ones, and say I love you more..

So, if your reading this, I love you!! There, look, Im already keeping my resolutions =)

I have been pinning things left and right on the wonderful world of Pinterest..I also have a few projects that I hope to complete this year, like this great way to display my kids art Masterpiece wall or this Petticoat or some of these yummy caramel apple bites, and of course these adorable bunny rolls for Easter!  

Another think I hope to keep up better is this blog! I always feel a little intimidated sitting down to write anything on here, with all the wonderful bloggers out there like this great lady or so talented like these gals!

But hey, God's teaching me, there is no one like me, just jump in and do it! I m not writing for fame or glory, just to keep my little families memories. If no one reads this, then no ones the worse, and I still have my kid's lives documented. Thats the plan, Stan!